It's 2007!

Although it's rather old fashioned...
HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!

1. May 2007 be cheerful, optimistic and, er, educational without being too costly(cos my dad says that e-d-u-c-a-t-i-o-n is very important, HUZZAH!).
2. May the good, wise and sincere get elected to govern (however unlikely, one can still hope).
3. May Greenhouse effects and global warming be admitted, addressed and somehow reversed, or at least stopped (see #2).
4. May my family, immediate and not immediate, by blood and honorary, find health and safety, and love.
5. May Grey's Anatomy quit trying to be the soap-opera-that-cannot-not-whine. yay!

my new year resolutions, in order of importance and inverse order of fun,
1. Graduate!!
2. Learn enough French to read the original Little Prince/Learn enough Japanese to read any book of Haruki Murakami.
3. Take up drums again! double yay! and master those ever elusive but highly essential offbeats.

Cheers!

Ho Ho Ho!

Merry Christmas all, and a Great 2007 ahead!
Just came back from a trip to Arizona with 2 old friends - it was a blast! the host was big hearted and eager to please in his usual gruff manner, and the companion ever entertaining and funny.

and, (and I've got to type this in caps), WE HIKED GRAND CANYON!!! well, not all the way down, but maybe about 10 or 20 miles.

.....

ok, it was more like 3 miles. but that itself took more than 3 hrs, going down towards the canyon floor and then hiking back up to the rim. and the view...how can i describe it...to coin T's phrase, it was so breathtaking that we needed to puke, in a good way (it's more descriptive translated to cantonese). The view from the hiking trail was MAGNIFICENT. So Magnificent that the word not only needs be in caps, but bolded, underlined, highlighted and decorated with flashy neon light, except that i don't know how to do those fancy things within blogspot. Comparing it to the tourist convenient, camera friendly, shuttle accessible rim is like comparing boiled unsalted liver pate to penang's char kuey tiao, or bush to gandhi, or me to albert einstein. They are not only incomparable, they're not even the same species.

photos coming up soon!

my claim to a famous friend

Tan Chui Mui's 1st movie "Love conquers all" won awards and accolades! go watch go watch!

http://www.nanyang.com/index.php?ch=15&pg=224&ac=679213

tan chui mui, goh tze hui and i used to hang out a little, organize some activities and once made a stupid bet in secondary school (Who won? i think i did. but i don't see any1 paying up!). she lives 2 blocks away from me. we're no longer in touch, but it's good to see that she's receiving recognition for her work! :) She is really talented, and it showed even when we were all young and naive (well, still naive now, but no longer young). she won us a chinese society's magazine regional championship(i'm pretty sure that's not how to translate it, cos it now sounds like american football now), and wrote really enjoyable articles.

i would surely go watch if i were back home. You could see that i'm excited about this because I've used not one, not 2, but THREE exclaimation marks up to this point!
and, I'm gonna add kuantan to my profile. maybe because it's now gonna be a famous birth place of a famous director, but most probably because reading about her, and watching her shorts on youtube.com brought back fond memories about the crazy and stupid and mundane and oh so crude things me and my friends did back home. i think i would like to recognize that.

A chapter is complete

When you've just finished the final final-exam on the last course in your graduate studies, and you think the best way to celebrate is to go grocery shopping, and then cook up some yummo chicken and multi-mushroom dish, and then do the dishes, and, and then blog,
...is it time to concede that the wild days are over?

a good man

Today, I am touched, inspired and saddened by the life of James Kim - loving father, devoted husband, senior editor at CNET, supreme gadgeteer.

James Kim and his wife, Kati Kim, and their 2 little girls - Penelope, 4 and Sabine, 7 months, went for a family road trip after Thanksgiving. Along this trip, on a snowy night, they took a wrong turn and got lost. Then, decided to follow a shortcut on the map, and being unabled to read warning signs obscured by snow, the family got stucked on a deserted backcountry road in the Mountains of Oregon; a road that was supposed to be gated and locked in the winter, but wasn't. They were out of range for all electronic gadgets, and could neither call for help, or be notified of a search and rescue party. The parents ran the car heater for warmth, and when the gas ran out, burnt the tyres, first the spare, then the rest. Kati breastfed both daughters when food ran out, while James hardly ate. After a week, James decided to go out on foot to seek help for his family, aiming for a village which they thought was 4 miles away but was actually 15. The plan was for him to return after 5 hrs if he couldn't find anything. He never did.

Kati and the girls were rescued 3 days later by helicopters hired by Jame's father for the search, the same helicopters that dropped sacks of food, warm clothes and letters in the mountains, in the hope that they will provide sustanence for James.

But James never had a chance to stumble across the packs. He was found, 11 days later, in a river bed, dead of hypothermia. He stayed alive for 2 days, and walked for 11 miles before he fell; rescuers had problems with 5, even with all of their gadgets and supplies. It was later found that the lock to that accursed road was vandalised.

I cannot imagine what it was like for the James and Kati, who tried to portray the whole ordeal to their girls as a camping trip. Were they at first hopeful that help would arrive in a day or 2, or thought that they could drive out of the hell hole eventually? Did a day or 2 turned into 5, then 7, with no sign that any search was under way? When the fuel ran out, how did it feel to realize that with that died the possibility of driving their own way out - that their fate were left in the hands of others, who might not even be aware that they were missing? What words were spoken before James decided to strike out into the wilderness, out of desperation to save his family? How did Kati bade goodbye, knowing that he was doing this for their sake, and that he might not be coming back? How did he feel when he kissed his daughters possibly for the last time, weak from hunger, yet strong with the will to protect them? Were the girls puzzled and troubled, yet not fully comprehending the heart breaks that they could feel in the air..

I can't express my feelings well enough, but he does.
http://sweetjuniper.blogspot.com

I choke up everytime I read about James. Because I know, that my father would do the same, were we ever in the same condition. And so would I.

Just another pain in my behind (nana, you want to skip this entry)

I've just received email that we're REQUIRED to decap rats now.
decap as in decapitate.
Skip the rest of this entry if you don't want to know details.
Before you get too horrified, it's part of the procedure for kind+thoughtful handling of lab animals. And unusually, I don't mean that sarcastically. Because decapitation is done on rats that are euthanised with anesthesia, to make sure that they are really dead before getting placed in a freezer prior to being disposed. you know, so that, just in case it didn't really expire from the anesthesia, it doesn't wake up in the middle of the night in a sub 0 degree freezer with a box full of dead companions in paper bags, and freeze to death while trying to call 911.
THE RULES require decap, but I've always avoided it by having my technician break the neck after it's supposedly gone to rat heaven via a huge dose of anesthesia, which is supposed to be as effective as decap. Now, however, some people were careless in obeying the rules, and THE COMMITTEE is insisting on STRICTLY obeying the rules.
I have a hard enough time when I'm forced to put them to sleep, or when i accidentally make them bleed, and now I'm required to cut off the head?
Could I plead cultural immunity, because asians traditionally respect and wouldn't dream of hurting dead bodies?
my mama, she-hero who captures, kills, de-feathers, cleans, and cooks running, free-ranged, live chickens with one hand tied at the back is probably wondering if babies when i was born.

3 things i learnt from trip up north

1. My laptop is a notebook, but does not qualify as a mobile desktop. It is just too heavy.
2. Kenyan cab drivers in Chicago can be a Computer engineering student at the same time. (Isn't that cool!)
3. Business suits are not as warm as they should be.

Also, it's very likely that there's a conspiracy between the phychiatric hospitals and airports. The scheme is simple, delay or cancel flights due to "bad weather", and simultaneously deny baggage reclaims. Repeat process a couple times in an hour ON THE SAME FLIGHT. That would definitely perk up business in the wards.

Choices choices

Today I went to an interview at a little place beside a big lake in the mid west region. I’m on my way back to Indy from OHare airport, where the usual shitty weather in Chicago caused a delay on all flights (I use the word 'usual' because it makes me sound like a seasoned traveler, an important person. In truth I’ve only transited in Chicago only a few times. Ok, twice if I count the trip from home yesterday).

The position that I was interviewing for is a business consulting job, in the capacity of data analyses. This was not the world-changing, life-saving, cancer-curing, rat-torturing industry that I had in mind when I came here to study. I have some doubts about accepting the job, if they offer me one, because engineering had been all the life I knew since sick 17.

To stave off depression due to boredom excerbated by counting the number of airport power outlets, I’ll hash out some pros and cons working in consulting vs engineering.

Pro engineer:
I can pretend to understand the workings of a car/a washer/the aircon/the world.
I can publicly love for Dilbert, and laugh loudly at the strips, without being thought of as weird.

Con engineer:
Hot guys think I’m a geek.
Hot guys assume that I’m smarter than them = not hot (both entirely baseless).
Engineering guys are not hot (though warm, kind and fun. But who needs those?).

Pro consulting:
Hot guys will think I’m smart AND hot.
There might be occasion where nice dressing is required (high heels and make up).

Con consulting:
Consulting guys dress better than I do.
I don't know how to use make up.
I've only leanrt a few months ago to walk in heels without falling and skinning my knees.

It seems there’s tie.
Tune in for results a few months later, at about the same time (+-12 hrs), and day(+-3.5 days).

nail in my tyre, and warmth in my heart

Due to a mischievious nail that loved my right rear tire too much, today i got all four of my tires changed and aligned for USD 250. That's equivalent to RM1000! a year ago, I would have been angst ridden about the fact that this would pay for my room in penang for 5 months, with change left for 10 or 20 meals. Yet after being here for a while, I'd come to expect 250, post 30 bucks discount coupons from various sources, as a reasonable price to pay for 4 tyres. It's inevitable. I've acclimatised.

This is a big step for someone who, 1.5 yrs ago, went through the trouble of cancelling 3.60 worth of baked pastries at the checkout, and had to borrow cash from an acquaintence because her purchase was now below the minimum limit payable by credit card, all because it said 1.86 at the aisle, and 3.6 is too much to pay for a lousy box of 3 sau pau!

as an aside, the guy who owned the tyre shop tried to sell me extra insurance that will guarantee replacement or repairs on any accidental damage to the tyres. Of oucrse i didn't fall for it, so he cut the price to 1/2. and at the end , when i still refused, he gave it to me for free, because he "would feel better if a young girl like you had some insurance while driving on some high ways, and i really want you to have it." which made me feel all warm and touched, and guilty too, for thinking that all he wanted was to suck that extra 16 bucks from a poor foreign student. It resumed my faith in kindness.
or, was it just a very clever marketing manuever?

written 10/17

a regression to lists

ok, there's been too much gloom going on around here! luckily, all soppy identity search blogs can be blamed on PMS.
so to perk things up a little bit, a list of 10 good things in my life right now, in no particular order:

1. my lavender, that was brown and sagging 3 weeks ago, has not only came back from the brink of death, but is sprouting new shoots and is smelling good again! the secret? rice soaked water. thanks to my mama, i am no longer a plant killer (though i've conveniently progressed to rodents, see below).

2. Didi's birthday is coming up! And he successfully transferred departments in spite of a lousy boss who tried to stop it. And, he gets to go home for 1 whole week during raya (my eyes are so shining green i could audition for ju-on 4).

3. spoke to parents today. they are well.

4. new interview shoes, from dsw, for 25 only, after a 50% discount and a 5 bucks dicount card from the lovely princess-lily-pad.

5. an interview where said shoes could be displayed. next week! (finger biting.. butterflies fluttering)

6. good stir fried ginger and scallion chicken. made by yours shortly.

7. very good hersheys marbled chocolate cake! made by ..ahem..yours shortly.

8. my boss man and boss lady, who remains upbeat and encouraging even though i killed a rat during a scan (it was an accident, i swear! i would make sure there's more than 50 psi in the oxygen tank in the future, and not rely on the technician).

9. a reply from a good friend, agreeing to a certain request of mine. after a month, i wasn't sure if he was going to reply at all, and was saddened to think that his new position occupied so much of his time that he might not be bothered with old frienships anymore. but i was wrong, and very happily so.

10. gibberish from the animal farm back home. ahh..the sweet nectars of life.

The Smallness of Being

When one leaves everything one has known for the past 26 years, in order to start a new life as a student in a foreign country, one feels a strong sense of purpose. One might be rather scared and lost at first, but one has all these places to go, assignments to complete, assistantships to apply for, tests to ace.

Yet when one is about to graduate in a country far away from home, and has hardly gotten any job interview yet, one feels oddly displaced, extremely insignificant, unfamiliarly empty, and very lost, because one does not know how to define oneself anymore.

How does one define oneself? By profession – I am an engineer/writer/assembler? By relationships to family and loved ones– I am brother/wife/husband of so and so, best friend of so and so? By ongoing projects – I am taking up pottery/ completing a project designing so and so? By a fixed role in society? By gender? By sexual orientation? By age? By nationality? Crowds one hangs out with? Car? House? Weight of coins in one’s pink piggy bank? Quality of life one has?

How, then, does one define oneself when one is far away from family and loved ones, and have no job, no earthly possessions besides a Toshiba laptop that is partial to blue screen errors, and a very loose, if at all existing, tie to the surrounding community?

Does one define oneself by what is inside oneself? Bravery, kindness, cheerfulness, a healthy disregard of the rules? What if one chooses an unexplored path and gets so...rubbed... by the subsequent happenings that one isn’t so sure anymore? What if what one thought was inside, no longer is?

Latest exchange rate - Finally, everyone could afford bungalows in Sausalito.

From the headlines of a popular chinese daily.

At this rate I could have bought microsoft in a month. I should really look for a job back home.

Soda Fizzle Days

Today is a day of contradictions - in weather, thoughts and actions.

For the past few days it had been cold and gray and wet - the kind of cold and gray and wet that threatens to erase memories of brighter days. The change from summer to pseudo-winter came abruptly - Fall seems to have lasted all but 1 day and a half in Indy. Yet, it was sunny and warmthis morning, with blue skies and white clouds, and rays of the morning sun waking me up.
I woke up late, refreshed, and ready to do great things with my day. A breakfast of sumptious leftover Tomyam vermicelli seemed like an indicator (or augury=important omen. new word!) of good things to come, and I left home with my (shot) glass half full.

However , the day did not unfold as promised, like a Gaussian distribution that is skewed very much to the left with very big standard diviation, causing the whole graph to fall flat . Great achievements became a series of small, unimportant tasks, and time spent reading papers that couldn't be read in time. Class was unenergetic, both students and the-almost-always-enthusiastic-professor. Notes taking went from neat perky letters to barely legible scrawl. Thoughts about supposedly important decisions and contradictary choices swirled about in my head.

Then, sadly, in the evening, it resumed pouring. The temperature dropped, and tomorrow will be the coldest day since the start of this pseudo-Fall.

Some days are just like this - they start off beautifully, with a great storyline and cast, then fizzle off like the sodas left in the open for too long. Reminds me of Gray's Anatomy.

Well, at least we've got tomorrow.

Maybe.