One more argument for having Friends

Sometime ago I was visiting Washington DC with my friend terry. DC is really the perfect holiday destination for cheapos like me - it houses one of the best (in my opinion) and largest museum complex in the world, the Smithsonian. And it's absofreakinglutely free. (Which is partly why it features so highly in my opinion).

So, the Smithsonian in DC consists of 13 museums (including a Zoo), spanning a length of 1 mile (1.6km), and ranging from the obvious (Natural history, Modern and contemporary art, Air and Space) to the less expected (Postal, Asian Art). Of course we spent most of our 2 day visit there, plus the national gallery of Art, which was in the same area.

The size of the crowd was pretty intimidating, it being a Summer national holiday extending into a weekend. There were scores of Asian tourists around - old chinese couples out on day trips with their children and granchildren, no doubt on a short trip to visit their children who are working here; young asian women hanging onto their significantly older caucasian ... er... boyfriends, whom we saw by the dozen (whats up with that?), young families out for the weekend from nearby cities.

Among the young families was this particularly irritating young family of a chinese looking guy with his wife, whom we met in the National Gallery of Art. They are most probably chinese because they spoke chinese accented mandarin.

A little bit on the Gallery setup - it was divided into multiple rooms, each with a theme (either by type or date of art, or artist). The rooms are interconnected via opened doorways, and the exhibits are placed on or near the four walls of each room, at the middle of which the interior designers had thoughtfully placed four long benches, each facing one wall, so that visitors could sit down and feast their eyes on the pieces.

We first met this couple in front of this giant oil painting of Daniel in the Lion den. I was sitting on one of the benches facing Daniel, feeling really tired from walking and dehydration, when the front view of The Wife Holding The Kid suddenly appeared in my field of view, followed by the back view of her husband holding the camera. *click click* went the camera, *flash flash* went the flash. Then, camera and kid was exchanged between Hubby and Wifey, and Wife took a picture of the Husband in front of the same Daniel with Lion painting. "oh they like the painting huh?" I thought. "Those lions are really good"

So we proceeded to wander around, with peace in our hearts and ache in our feet. In the next room, right in front of a painting of Claude Monet's garden, we encountered this couple again. *click click* went the camera, *flash flash* went the flash, kid and camera exchanged, wife and husband took turns taking picture with the same painting, without even looking at the painting before and after, or noticing that their little film fest was blocking the people on the benches who were trying to appreciate the art.

Pretty soon we were noticing this couple everywhere we went -this cam whoring addict pair on a speed trip. They would arrive at every single famous piece of painting, hastily insert their body into the center of the frame , disregard the crowd that was orderly gathered in a semicircle around the art, and take turns taking pictures, to prove that NOT ONE, but BOTH of them had been in the PRESENCE of EVERY, SINGLE, FAMOUS piece of art in DC's National Gallery of Art. Our shared Asianess and Chineseness, and the disgusted expression on the other patrons deepened my mix of horror, shame and amazement at what they were doing. Long after that day, I kept repeating the story as amusement to my friends.

Fast forward to a weekend a few months later. I was lazing on my bed talking to one of my best friends Wai on the phone. She was telling me about her recent trip to Hong Kong and Shen Zhen.

Wai: I wanna show you guys my photos! But where can I upload them ha? Too many of them.."

KG: There're plenty of online albums that you could use la. How many pictures you took?"

Wai: er.. alot. I think about 1500 with me in the picture.

kg: What?? How many days did you go ha?

Wai: 3 days lor.

That divides out to 500 pictures per day. How does one manage to take 500 pictures per day?? Read on...

Wai: We went to madam tussaud's wax museum. I took picture with every single one of the wax figures! (Insert kg's gasp) Must be worth the trip. And we actually spent 2 1/2 hr on a stretch of road that was just supposed to last 30 minutes, because we were taking pictures. The tour guide just about died because he insisted on walking with us instead of taking the bus.

both: hehehe.. wahahaha..

In a flash i was reminded of that chinese couple we met in DC. And suddenly I felt very sorry for making fun of them, and looking down on them. Because, one of the people who are dear to me, unbeknown to me, exhibit the same cam whoriness that they possess. Although I highly doubt that Wai will display such blatant disregard for the world in search of the perfect picture, i no longer think that cam whoringness, or the desire to take pictures with every living thing that one comes across, as dungu exploits. That same photo-taking-obsession, when seen in Wai, becomes just an endearing quirk (and the usage of the word "quirk"means only that it is strange to the writer in her own limited understanding of the world). Because although we sometimes irritate the heck out of each other, a more caring, lovable, trustworthy, loyal and responsible person is hard to come by. She cares with actions, not only words. And I know of at least 2 other girls who count her a blessing in their lives.

So, no, i don't make fun of the Couple At The Museum anymore. Because, who knows, taken out of the museum/gallery setting, they might be really great people like Wai. Plus i totally would not make fun of Wai the way I made fun of The Couple. There you go, one more argument for having friends, they help us decrease our contempt towards other people, because realizing and accepting differences between friends allows us to extend our sphere of acceptance to similar differences from other people too.

And wai? i would still totally love to go on trips with you, but let's avoid locations with wax museums.

the current

Reading:
Cosmos
Fountainhead (still..)

Listening:
Some country music(!) sound track that my boss(!!) burned for me. It's actually pretty good(!!!).

Watching:
Nothing. But hopefully "An inconvenient truth" by the gore this weekend.

Eating:
Mantou from my ex roomate. Her mom sells paus and mantous (chinese bread) in kaosiong, taiwan. Every Summer she (my roomate, not her mom) goes back home for 3 months. When she comes back, her luggage is half filled with 1/2 thawed mantous and paus, which she dutifully distributes to all her friends. She usually keeps 2 packets for herself in the freezer. And then the following summer the 2 packets will be discarded to be replaced by 2 fresh ones from taiwan. :) BUt, her mom's mantous are great! almost comparable to my mom's paus.

Smelling:
baby carrots boiling on the stove top.

Touching:
keyboard of 2.5 yo keyboard of toshiba laptop, which is now prone to frequent tantrums and refusal of working for long periods. it might have joined a union.

Feeling:
Tired from badminton. The people here are kinda trying to top each other off in making me run till i drop training me. But it's good. finally getting some training after playing for 6 yrs w/out improvement.
and also tension, because work oh work. why did my boss hafta take off to disneyland this week? why did the person in chg of the urgent -line-will-shutdown-if-not-resolved project have to go on campus recruitment this week? I dislike people dumping last minute screw ups on me, esp when those screw ups do not belong to me.
Also, an undercurrent of sadness. Because of a loss. Had seen it coming. Is for the best. but still.
Also, an undercurrent of excitement. for loads of activities that will go on in october.

Thinking:
Halloween is this month. there are several occasions to dress up - coworkers partays and also dressing up to work. It's a custom here. What shall i dress up as? ooo..my 1st halloween! dont want anything slutty. all the costumes houses sell slutty clothes. geez.

One Quote

To anonymous who said "you've made my plan shaken!" in one of the previous posts, i read this today:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
-Mark Twain

The sea beckons, my fondest friend.

Penguin

Do you know what language the word penguin originated from?
.
.
.
CANTONESE!!
According to a SEA language expert, the word Penguin actually originated from an asian dialect, and that dialect is Cantonese! The originator is unknown though, but through the centuries it has been incorporated into the Englisg lexicon.

Penguin = Peng-Guin

Gun= Nice way of saying bird. Example:Dou Guin (Chinese: Du Juan)
Peng hai mat yeh? Peng ma hai ICE lor!

Penguin= ICE Bird = Bird found on Ice!

Is this not amazing?

Going overseas is not romantic

Friends sometimes have this misconception that the KG is brave to venture out into this big unknown land beyond the South China Sea. They think and sometimes express admiration about the guts it takes to leave almost everything behind to try to better and challenge oneself.

Let me hereby clarify this - No, KG is neither brave nor gutsy. In fact, most of the time she is a fool, a greedy coward or a paranoid little bitch, many times all three at once. The trip here was full of tears, doubts and fears. There was such trepidation in facing the unknown, in living a misers life, in competing with a cold world, in having no-one to go to movies with. There were so many tears because of home and friend sickness. It was miserable, and still sometimes is. It's depressing to wake up from a nap alone in an apartment a bajillion miles away from home. and knowing that the aloneness will last for what seems like forever. It's pathetic in times of stormy weathers not to have someone to talk to, or to lean on, or to tokkok with. And the doubts, oh the doubts of whether she'd make it, whether it's all worth it, whether she was making the right decision!

Some people think that going to a foreign country is romantic, or so high class, or so fun. But it is not always true. 99% underestimate the challenges that comes when the only one you can truly depend on, in darkness and in light and at all times, is yourself. Especially those who are older and dont have the structured life of a college student.

Kg can't help but think frequently that she was a fool. Because, because so many of the most important things in life are found right at home. Family, Friends, love, a place to belong to. (And Teh Bing, Char Kuey Teow and asam laksa). Life is so short, there is so little time. What is ambition compared to love? If the world were to end tomorrow, I'll let go of all self-bettering and potential-fulfilling pretenses and head right home. And ought we not live like everyday is the last day of our lives?

I'm that paranoid bitch today.

Another proof of moronism in Bolehland

http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2007/9/6/nation/18796676&sec=nation

papa roach?

A rock concert coming soon. Should I go?
xxxxx
Summer - ending. 830's sunset compared to 930 two weeks ago. Fall's feet thread ever lightly but surely.
xxxxx
Contentedness - like a flighty lover, it appears only when you stop searching.
xxxxx
A mess - what my house is. with newspapers and laundered clothes and receipts and bills and junk mails.
xxxxx
Dread - what if i can't solve the problem?
xxxxx
Weekend - coming. Can't wait.

Chirp! and Labor Day weekend

Chirp!
I didn't know you read one! wow. so busy somemore can read my blog! KNS!
ok, this weekend is labor day weekend - ie 3 day weekend. I was planning and very much looking forward to a camping trip up north, but after being fong fei kei by a friend (very geram story) at the last minute, i have decided to spend twice the price of normal airfare to fly to washington DC for 2 days. I will join terry there, and will tour all the free museums until my legs or eyes fall off. and we will have a jolly good time eating everything exotic in sight.If nothing else, terry and i share the same curiosity for exotic food (at least i remember both of use buying weird ass cereal in college).

I have to fly out of detroit though which is a few hours from here. KNS.
and fly back in and drive another few hrs back home.

To comfort myself i will stop to shop at a biggie shopping place on the way. To rest my tired feet pressing against the accelerator. Ahem.

Happy long weekend and Merdeka Day back home! Even though our country is imperfect, at least it's independent. Though depending on the context, that might not say much.

well, what are you gonna do for the weekend?

my cheapness

I'm back!!
**Cough**cough*** (strains to see through the billowing dust)
**ahhtttchoo!!** (dusts cobwebs from skirt)

For all 2 of you who actually reads this blog regularly, i apologize for the unannounced hiatus. The reason behind my MIA is that only one that can be blamed on genetics (mom's side ahem) - cheaponess. I've moved out from the hotel provided by my work place more than a month ago, to a sunny apartment in the midst of trees, beds of flowers and a highway. But due to extreme cheapness, and rebellion against monopolization of anykind, had refrained from getting cable internet (from the only cable provider authorized by the apt management)and dial up (from the only dial up provider available in US - the stupoid ATxT). The cable speed and modem i didn't need and didn't want to pay for. The dial up insisted that i get a bundle together with a phone land line, which i didn't need and didn't want to pay for.

So i hedged and hummmed and fummed and cry at the gods. and finally caved in and got cable.

And boy does it feel good to feel alive again.

Book of July

Am reading Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. Will let you know how it goes.
I've loved reading all my life, but have so far remained mostly in the realms of light literature, like mystery novels and even the Animorph series (I know. groan). I occasionally wonder off into tangents (Mockingbird,root..heavier yet very readable) , but have always returned. Since coming here, I've met ppl who read very widely. And it made me realize that I might be missing out on some pretty cool ideas by avoiding those books that i consider heavy ie those who try to explore human nature.
So i've been reading john irving. and now ayn rand. and next will be milan kundera. And i've realised why i never got into these type of books even though i love reading so much. It's because they are mostly sad. And I don't like sad stories, or movies for that matter. I like gutsy stories. preferably with sunshine and rainbows thrown in at the ending (Explains why I can enjoy Bollywood movies too).

The things i love about being alive

the smell after and during rain
sitting on a swing at dusk listening to the 7pm prayer from a nearby mosque
toddlers laughing
smell of baby heads
baby's hands holding my thumb
waking up from a late evening nap to hear my mom cooking in the kitchen, smelling the familiar smell of garlic tossed into hot oil
lounging most unfashionably in a friends house, surrounded by good friends. being content keeping lazily silent in the midst of their funny banter
sweating after badminton
girl friend's loosing their temper at the guys during frizbee games
sitting by the opened balcony with hot milo and a good book on a rainy day
long phone conversations with good friends
making people laugh.esp about myself.
hammering bush.
having breakfast with dad. him reading the papers. me reading the papers too.
playing drums with friends on various instruments
playing piano
making fun of brother.
feeding people.
feeling like that world is yours to take.
mango lassi.
grandma's hug.
eating the same fish dish at different restaurants throughout pg with the same bunch of friends for several weeks
football on a rainy day in a muddy field
being forced to go dancing by peer pressure.
making cookies for cny
driving alone on a cool night, music blasting and windows down

The lane

My dearest girls,
I was driving around today in the summer sun. Slightly aimlessly, but in a good way. I turned onto a road that i had never turned onto before, and suddenly saw a road named, (you will never guess) Lover's Lane.
Just like in Green Gables. And just like Anne, I feel in love with it straightaway. I could feel a grin slowly spreading across my underslept face. I turned left onto lover's lane, and it winded all the way down to the enormous lake that shall remain nameless for now (because i dont know it). it skirted the shore, meandered around some quaint old houses with boats in the front yard, and gentle waves lapping against the flower beds,and rejoined a main road some distant away. And just like our book, it was green, and leafy, and cool, and happy, and peaceful...and young yet wise.
I felt myself sigh, took a deep breathe, and suddenly realized that up till now, i had not really been breathing for quite a long time.

love.

Today

Today is my second day at my new job at a new company in a new industry in a new state and new town. I went for a meeting and tried hard to understand what was being said. I felt a bit nostalgic cos the meeting reminded me of what my job was and what fun i had when i was an engineer on a little island back home. I ate lunch alone today. Because, well, because i couldnt work up the guts to ask my colleagues to lunch since they looked so busy. :p i will try again tomorrow. and bring a sandwich just in case.

After work i drove around. This new little town that will be my home for a year or more, if things work out well. To my amazement i found 2 big lakes hidden behind trees on each side of the road. I mean big - like BIG. With houses around it, and boats sailing in it. It actually looked like sausalito though much more rustic. I am so glad that i am living around water again. Because i grew up by the sea, and my soul was nourished by the salty air, my heart calmed by the splashing waves on mornings spent lying on the rocks. And though there's no salt in the air here, it is blessing enough.

Finally!

Congratulations, Eanama and Eanappa!
I love you both and could never have done this without you, and my pesky sibling.

And only under these conditions

So recently my dearest friend P used this as her tag in msn: "Love is a decision, not a feeling"
Seeing as she is about to get married to a great guy, I treat with great reverence everything she says about love and marriage. And boobs. ahem. Cos you know, she is getting MARRIED, committing the rest of her LIFE to ONE lucky guy, and hence must know some truths about life and love that are elusive to us ignorant (and maybe therefore) unmarried girls.
So, even though her tag was not new to me, i was somehow awed by it and the meaning that it could bring into my life.

The next time she was online, i was brimming with hope that I'd finally found my personal guru who will lead me to successful relationship, answering the ever popular question of "how do i know if he is the one?" and maybe even write a book at the side. The conversation went something like this:

kampung girl (being very earnest): so love is a decision and not feelings huh?

P: (silent cos she was busy talking to her fiance, no doubt debating the names of their future babies)

kg (getting a bit impatient): so..to what extent is love a decision?

Pause. Then,
P: I think when you are tired and jaded with life..then love is decision

kg: ...(a bit stunned)... BWAHAHAHAHA.

i love my kooky friends. They say the most delicious things.

How to crash MS Excel

1. Build a data table that is crucial for thesis writing - is crucial for graduating in time to get a working visa and start work with company you like.

2. Wait till the last minute to work so that by the time you make the table, there's only one week to defense day, your thesis is only half done and you're ready to curl up in a fetal position, cover your ears with both hands, and sing "lalalala i dont hear anything" 24 hrs a day.

3. Ensure that there are multiple columns and rows, and multiple columns under each of those columns. Merge Header cells that heads several columns.

4. Enter vital information collected from experiments, formed in large part by your sweat, blood and tears. Spend no less than one hour.

5. Make formulas in excel to perform complex calculations on data.

6. Calculated results doesn't make sense. Take 30minutes to check calculations and formula entry one by one.

7. Scratch head and watch youtube for 30 minutes because grad schools are not too selective about intelligence or problem solving skills when admitting students. (All the really smarty arses had dropped out at the undergrad level anyways and founded their own tech company which IPO-ed at 150USD per share last may)

8. Finally figure out whats wrong and correct it.

9. Draw lines in table. Take pleasure in coloring columns and rows, and drawing fancy double lined boxes around data.

10. Sigh in pleasure at work of art+science. Realize that some of the headers are merged wrongly.

11. **CRUCIAL STEP** DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT under any circumstances save the file.

12. Try to unmerge the wrongly merged header cells. Hi-light 3 merged headers and click "unmerge" (which is actually the same as the "merge " button) - that works.

13. Get greedy and try to unmerge every available header at the same time. About 18 of them.

14. **Poof**

15. Ask "Where the heck did my excel file go?"

16. Don't panic. try recovering file.

17. Recovery fail.

18. Panic.

Foot in Mouth Episode I

Foot in Mouth Episode I, brought to you by Kampung Girl.

On Thursday I went for badminton and dinner with a bunch of friends at the court. One of them is an Iraqi whom I've known for a few weeks - a very vivacious, and seemingly sporting guy/boy/teenager. I happened to sit opposite this guy. The tv in the lil chinese restaurant was showing a clip about number of animal killed in the US per day and asking the public to help. Iraqi guy remarked on how ridiculous this is seeing that so many people die in his country everyday. This brought to my mind the Iraqi war and what little I know about Iraq - ie there're 2 warring fractions, the Sunni and the Shia, and a former ruler named Saddam Hussein, and the War-for-weird-reasons that is going on there. Seeing that SH and reasons-for-war might be rather sensitive issues, and in the spirit of getting to know my Iraqi friend more, I asked him, in the air of asking whether one prefers ranch or french dressing with the salad :" So, are you a Sunni?"...
and instantly got a hard kick in the shin under the table from J, my fellow malaysian and long time friend, who also happened to have worked with Arabs for 3+yrs and had decidedly more understanding about arabian culture than me. In a fraction of a second, I understood that I had asked a taboo question.
My Iraqi friend obviously didn't want to answer, so, after an awkward infinity of a second, he hedged and told me:"I'm a hindu."
By that time I was too flustered and embarrassed to think up a good way to gently let this question slide, and hastily covered up with a question of :"Really? do you speak tamil?" and followed up with an offer of :"hey i can teach you bad words in Tamil! you look like you'd appreciate it."

GROAN...my tact and reputation down the drain in 30 seconds. Not that this is the 1st time that happened.

J later told me that what I thought was the equivalent of asking malaysian chinese :"Are you hokkien or Hakka?", was actually perhaps more akin to asking ..say.. Roosevelt whether he was a Nazi during WWII, or asking a Quiznos philly-steak-sub whether it is actually from Subway. point is, these are not just fractions with different dialect or place of origin - these are people who have hated and killed each other for decades. You(If you dont know any better) and I (who definitely dont know any better) might think it's just different branches of Islam, but to them, it's as different as Taoism and Judaism. I am inferring that if the guy really is a Shia (which he probably is considering that he didn't want to answer), I probably unknowingly insulted him like mad by giving the impression that I thought he was Sunni.

How was I supposed to know? "Sunni" was just easier to pronounce!
"hm...gmm...hmp....aaakk...akk"
Excuse me while I dig my foot out of my mouth.

The moral of this story is, if you dont know the Iraqi well, do not ask him if he is a Shia/Sunni. Stick with "Is your beef and chicken fried rice nice?" or even "Brazillian football sucks."

Note: Just found out from wikipedia that Malaysia's Official school of Islam is Sunni. And as far as I know, Malays from Malaysia dont have anything against Shia. Which makes me wonder, what happened in Iraq in the early years to have caused this divide?

Pseudo Po'm I

If you've been lost and adrift for a while,
sit down,
be quiet,
and still,
just breathe,and listen.

To the whirr of the refrigerator,
the drone of the passing cars,
the breeze playing with the leaves,
the laughter of the sunlight,
and the murmurings of your heart.

Everything will be alright.

gut wrenching 2 weeks

Had just been through 2 weeks of emotional roller coaster. All because I had to choose between 2 jobs, and also some level of home sickness.
Job A I had already accepted, three months earlier, but is not the job that I trained for (ie engineering). Yet they have the greatest people and recruiting methods. And an atmosphere I felt truly comfortable with, plus a job function that is highly interesting. Oh, and it's in Chicago.
Job B I was offered unexpectedly. Is the perfect job description that matches my original intent of coming...let's see...20 gazillion miles across the pacific ocean to simultaneously suffer and semisemi-thrive in grad school. a highly interesting job function too, one not easily found. Culture and people, not so sure. But was very strict on the reply-by deadline (1 week from verbal offer, 4 days from actual offer).
So, being the knucklehead stubborn mule that I am...decided to let go of job A, and went the path of job B ie idealism bla bla bla- idealism with a pay cut, in a small small northern city. Was an extremely difficult situation for me personally, cos i do hate hate hate(to infinity) going back on my words. And also kinda fell a bit in love with Job A already.
All compounded by the fact that I hadn't been home in a year and almost 3 months. i've come to realise that if i do not go home at least one a year, my emotions tend to go cuckoo. Get sad and emotional for no reason.
It's strange how me and my friends had evolved since uni days. Leaving home for the 1st time to go to college? Easier than cooking maggi mee in a mug. Oh were we eager to see the world! be independent! meet new people! cure cancer! Solve the grand unified theorem! In fact, I was so NOT home sick during my first semester that during break after that semester, my dad had to bribe me with phone cards to make me call home once a week. I felt bad when my aunts told me that my mom cried after I left for college, and when I didn't call home.
Then the years go by (cue soft piano and violin), and our parents grow older, and I guess we grow wiser, or at least more appreciative of the extra blessings that we were given in the form of our loving parents and pesky sibling(s). And so we grow more attached. But we're all grown up now, and have to cari our own makan, dance our own dance, wiggle our own hiney, with some ending up far away from home. Denied of luxury items like 3 months of semester breaks each year, I look back at my callous teenage self, and have to say - bodohke engkau?
Where was I going with this?
Oh, yeah, wish me luck with my job. I will do my very very best and hope for the best. Alhamdulillah..
And I love my mom dad and pesky brother. And my wai por,wai gong and my aunts and uncles and cousins, and all my lovely crazy friends. muaks.

A geek's take on breakups

So, I've been asked this question recently.
When does one know if a relationship is worth breaking away from?

I think that there are many reasons, but the most obvious for me, in simple, engineer friendly formula is:
Happiness(Boy+girl) < Happiness(boy)+Happiness(girl)
where
y(x) means y is a function of x

Or, if Happiness(boy) is an unknown, it can be calculated just using data from the girl, ie
Smiles(girl in relationship)-Tears(girl in relationship) <<
Smiles(Girl single)-Tears(girl single);
t>t*
where
t* is total time needed for sufficient data collection
and
sufficient data=enough data to predict future scenario

Then perhaps it's time to say goodbye, shed some tears, and move on.
Of course, that's always easier said than done.

So, how does your relationship fare? What do you do to keep the happiness score high? And how do (most of) our parents do it?

tung tung tung tung

The result of "To phD or not to phD, that is the question" is in. And the winner is...The chicago job with the 5 figure salary (as in total annual salary lah) ! Congratulations, Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary, how do you feel about this victory?

Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary: Phew, I tell ya, sista, that there is sumthing of a close call. wuz afraid that girl there be stupid enough to choose ideals over money! hahahaha.. (wiping sweat of the 5 figure face).

Whoa, those are pretty harsh words, Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary...

Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary (turning a nice shade of orange): hehehe..just kidding, just kidding. Gosh, you people gotta lighten up. I mean, come on, ya know she done made the right choice. She done old and poor, alone in a foreign land. It's time to shore up some of em greenbacks, ya know what I'm sayin?

Well, Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary, late twenties is not exactly old, you know. Futhermore, experts interviewed say that if she goes the phD route, she would have recovered the "financial losses" incurred while in grad school in no time, if she gets a job in industry after that.

Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary: Her parents think she's gettin old, don't they? and, I hear the big IF in your sennntence.

I am pretty sure her parents didn't mean it that way. Anyway, the experts also say that having a phD proves the girl's versatility and trainability - she would in fact be much more marketable, and be perceived as a totally brainy chick(which is a lethal combination)! Plus when it comes to career advancement, phD totally kicks ass!

Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary: expert shmurzert. She got me, ain't she? you want experts? i got this university full of experts, them asian experts says the opposite. Strange how all the white chicks and brothers think so highly of education.

Are you implying that race plays a part in this.

Mr chicago job with 5 figure salary looks left and right before saying: ya know, i shouldn't be sayin this, it aint no race, it that dang nationality. foreign people always gets short changed. bloody visa sponsorship, and nationality requirement! Back in them old days... (starts rambling while mumbling)

OooooK! Let's quickly turn to miss phD. What say you, Miss phD?

Ms phD, calm, cool and collected as always (hey, her last name IS Doctorate after all): The girl will be back. No worries. I know her. She'll be back, if not next year, then the year after next, or the year after next after next. Any year. But she will be back. And YOU, you can call me philli. *giggles*

The messenger

I hate watching ghost movies (except 6th sense), but went and watched the Messenger yesterday. The Pang brother's 1st hollywood foray.
Verdict - Creepy! An average storyline with many suspenseful and goose bumpity shoots. I think the mat salleh audience will like it. But asian audience who's seen many of their movies will find similar scenes from their previous movies. And certain elements look very ju-on like. Still, since I used my fingers to edit most of the scenes when i watch any horror movies, and do my very best to forget scary scenes, the messenger is very refreshing and creepy to me.

But you know what's creepiest of all? One of the Pangs named himself Danny, while the other one, get this, named himself Oxide. Oxide Pang - I guess we now know which one of them comes up with the creepy ideas.

The importance of being selfish

I've learnt some important things this week.
To *preserve me, there comes a time when:
I need to do what I want in my life. With less consideration of what I should. Or what others want.
I will let go of taking care of others in favor of taking care of myself.
I need to choose to do things that are joyful.

It is important to distinguish these times from others.

* sounds like fossilization, doesn't it? or maybe fruit preservation. :)

The Rope Jumping Dilemma

When I was a kid, girls played this game roughly translated as Jumping Ropes. The ropes were handmade, by looping tens of rubber bands around each other to form a long elastic strand. one kid would hold each end, stretching the rope slightly such that it became taut. the rest would take turns jumping over the rope, as the height was increased from the ground, to the knee, waist, shoulder, head, and finally as high as it can be held. My athletic prowess was lacking even back then, and the best i could muster was the waist.

I had been having difficulty sleeping these few days, with many thoughts swirling about my head. When i decided to come back to school to do Masters, it was like jumping at the shoulder level. I'd never done it before, but it was not too far from the waist level. It felt within reach. I knew that if i'd worked hard at it, maybe consistently stretching and jumping everyday, I'd be able to do it gradually. And as that is coming close to being proven true, an opportunity has opened up to jump at a much higher level, even higher than the head - a level so high (to me) that I did not, never in a bajillion yrs consider myself capable of reaching, not even in my wildest exciting-est dreams.

You see, my advisor had offered.. nay, actively pursuing me to do a Doctoral degree with him. Doctoral with a capital D. It will be an exciting and worthy project, with the aim of contributing some tools towards fighting a deadly, incurable disease. He has agreed to customize it so that I can learn tools that will be valuable the industry, which is where I want to end up in. Most of all, he believes, more than I do, from what he sees, that I have the capability to reach that lofty height. It is a dizzy feeling, to have someone throw open a door which you'd never thought to unlock, and to be told that yes, you CAN do it, however much you think you can't. Maybe the cripple who got cured by Jesus felt like the same way when commanded to walk.

The problem is, it would take at least 3 more years, and there would be very little money for the entire duration. The choices of jobs post graduation will be scant because of highly specialized skills. But if I do get a job, probably as a scientist in a company, the difference in monetary gain could be balanced out in a short time. I would get to be my own boss and pretty much dictate my course and direction of research. However, the idea of being my own boss is strangely foreign, and pretty intimidating. I had always imagined a life of salaried income, with a cushion of corporate superiors, and ample time for pursuit of interesting hobbies like reading, baking, drumming, language and what nots. What will it be like to be away from that comfortable cushion? More satisfaction, I heard, and also more frustration, and much less time for other things in life.

On the other hand, if I do not get a job in the industry, I will probably end up in school, in some research lab, taking the post of what is known as a "postdoc", ie phD holders who slave with minimal pay and dismal benefits for a few years under the tulelage of some established professor in hopes of getting into academia, either holding a professorship, or being a research scientist. The ultimate deal is proving to be illusive to many, as more and more postdocs get stuck for years as a postdoc, wondering if they would ever reach the other side. This I do not wish to do.

Both paths after phD, industrial or academia, would lead away from clear cut engineering, into the murky, but much more heavy-weighted realm of clinical science and biology. But, I love engineering, especially mechanical. I am not sure that I'm prepared to let it go.

Also, I had in fact secured a job in a small nothern lake front location. Not a job that I trained for, not an industry which I imagined myself to be in, but one that I nonetheless accepted, partly because of visa limitations in this foreign land. This job pays at least 3 times that of what I will earn as a phD student. The people are nice, and the location is fantastic. Plus, I have the choice of switching back to engineering at a later date.

Things will be further complicated when I go back to Asia in a few years. The demand for phDs, especially in biological+engineering sciences is much less in SEA, compared to the western world.

Yet, do we not owe it to ourselves to fulfill our potential to the fullest? To contribute as much as we can to the well being of earth and our people? To attempt to jump the highest that we could possibly jump over the ropes held by life?

Or do we just owe it to ourselves to be happy, to be financially competent for the sake of our family, and to start building a stable and peaceful life when the time is right?

Three Clowns in Grand Canyon

We started our hike at the South Kaibab trailhead, intending to pass by Yaki Point and Ooh Aah Point to reach Cedar Ridge. The grand canyon is, well, a canyon, ie a long narrow steep hole in the ground. Therefore the trail leads downwards, and it takes longer to return than to get to the destination. I've never realised this until the hike.

Well, so we got to Yaki Point, plodding through the cold, sleet, trees and hoove/paw covered snow in cold and dung smelling air for roughly 20 minutes. And what did we see?

Cars, in a parking lot, with their tourist drivers. So much for the brochure warning that "Yaki point is accessible only shuttle.

30 minutes later, we discovered why the Ooh Aah point is called the Ooh Aah Point (click on pic to enlarge).


Then we reach cedar ridge. It started to feel like a very windy and cold desert. We had wheat thins, kit kats and berry flavored water out on a ledge that extends into the canyon heart.

Took 2 hrs to get back up to the rim. The little waving black spot in the middle is my friend T. It was really steep.


So, the view was awesome. The canyon was awesome too, but what loored me maybe more was this, what we saw in the souvenir shop.
The sign above the very native-american-styled pottery says "NOT MADE BY NATIVE AMERICAN CRAFTERS" then in smaller font below says... "MADE IN CHINA".
Behold the might of the dragon, and the brutal honesty of Grand Canyon's souvenir shops. Wonder how many vases they've sold so far. :)

One question I didn't think I'd ever hear

"Let's compete to see who can be the first to pee 5 times tonight, okay?"

p/s, I won.